VH1′s Top 20 Countdown

Both MTV and VH1 played a major role in my middle school/high school years, opening me up to new types of music beyond The Beatles and Led Zeppelin. MTV may be our most crass example of marketing to America’s youth, but that only goes to show how accurate a barometer MTV’s broadcasting is in regards to the interests our nation’s young people.
VH1 is MTV’s slightly older sister, a network which has begun to rely more and more on B-level comedians providing rarely insightful commentary on today’s pop culture icons. I say ‘rarely’ because while shows like “Best Week Ever” and “I Love the 90′s” often skewer the cult of celebrity, the shows themselves are still forms of celebrity worship.
But VH1 plays more videos than MTV, and the weekly top 20 countdown actually seems a welcome break pinched in between reruns of the horrifying “Flava of Love” and “Pop’s Most Embarassing Moments! 2!” I thought I’d take an hour and see what the top 10 videos are right now, perhaps to gain a glimpse into our current culture, but also to see what single women in their early-30′s watch to stay with it.
I can’t help but wonder if writing this review just makes me part of the machine.
Turning on the TV, I’m confronted immediately with a replaying of Friday’s Civil War game between Oregon and Oregon State. It was a great game, probably the best Civil War in a while, but it puts me in a foul mood.
10. We’re headed right into the videos with Pussycat Dolls featuring Timbaland at number 10 with “Wait a Minute”. Initial thoughts: did Timbaland choose his name so he’d get free boots for life? If so, not a bad idea. I would’ve chosen “Mercedeez Bense/Howze/African-Ade”, covering cars, homes and making it seem like I care about people in third-world countries.
Good night, these Pussycat Dolls aren’t very talented, are they? I can almost guarantee only one of them can sing. Of course, it’s not as if the Spice Girls didn’t set this precedent way back in the 90′s. The Dolls have found their perfect environment, a subway car full of poles to dance on. They’re wearing awful 80′s dance outfits, and I’m wondering if the Dolls know how unappealing they really are.
The lyrics here are stunning, with the Dolls breaking into chorus every few seconds with “Boy why you trippin’ like that?/You think ’cause you trickin’ you get it just like that?” To which I would respond, “Well, you are dancing on a pole right now.” A better title to this song would’ve been “Wait a Minute (Until We’re Married)”.
Closing thoughts: I hate the phrase “Slow your roll” and the lead singer looks like man trying to look like Tyra Banks.
I like VH1 vee-jays…they’ve always been unthreatening and likable. The current guy is doughy and multi-ethnic. He seems like a nice fellow.
9. Justin Timberlake, “My Love”. This is a pretty video, and a very good song. Who would’ve guessed JT would become the next Michael Jackson (in a good way)? I don’t like the little rap verse part, but “My Love” is sexy and has a nice beat. I can see it being very popular in the clubs, with a bunch of coked-out sweaty people.
Apparently, if you guess the top 10 perfectly, you might win a Nissan Versa! VH1 is sparing no expense.
8. Christina Aguilera, “Hurt”. Right off the bat, I’m a bit disappointed this isn’t a Nine Inch Nails/Johnny Cash cover, because how would Xtina have interpreted it? It’s nice to see Christina toning down the sluttiness…maybe she realized there was no use competing with Paris Hilton. Aguilera should rely on her voice anyway. Say what you will about her, she can sing.
What’s up with this video? It looks like she’s been watching HBO’s “Carnivale” and completely missed the point. Good versus Evil? The horrors of the Great Depression? That’s the cutest outfit!
7. Weird Al Yankovic, “White and Nerdy”. Wow. This is a shock. I knew this song was popular right now, but our non-threatening Middle Eastern host claims it dropped from number 3 this week. I mean, this is a guy I loved when I was in 5th grade, and he’s at the top of the charts 15 years later. Kudos to Weird Al.
By all accounts, Weird Al is an incredibly nice guy, so I love that he’s still going. If you think about it, only U2 and Madonna have this guy beat in terms of ongoing success. Of course, this is more of a comeback, and Madonna and U2 have been pretty steadily popular throughout the years.
In an aside, if you’ve never seen the cult classic film “UHF”, rent it soon. It was basically a Weird Al vehicle that also featured Michael Richards in what is now his third most famous role. I haven’t seen it in years, and I’m not sure how it holds up, but I know it’s still the source for many great lines I still use today, like “I’m thinkin’ of something blue. I’m thinkin’ of somethin’ bluuuuuuuuue.” and “Stupid! You’re so stupid!”
As for the song, “White and Nerdy” features some excellent lyrics. This might be Weird Al’s greatest song. The Donnie Osborne cameo is killer, too.
Josh Duhamel is on the the Countdown promoting the movie “Turistas”. One of the things I was thankful for this Thanksgiving is fast forward buttons on TiVo.
6. Beyonce, “Irreplaceable”. Beyonce is a true talent, and I really like this song’s melody. I haven’t been able to figure out the path R&B has taken from its heyday in the 60′s. How did we get from the Four Tops and the Supremes to R. Kelly? I think the shift in large part has to do with the audience: old school R&B was probably aimed at predominantly white listeners, while present day R&B…holy crap, it’s snowing outside! I’ll be right back.
Ah, first snow. Love it. Contrary to popular belief, the major cities in the Pacific Northwest don’t get a ton of snow. Not even Vancouver.
So, anyway, I wonder if modern R&B is directed toward a black audience. Beyonce, even with her fancy trills and whatnot, is sort of a throwback. “Irreplaceable” reminds me of another Beyonce hit, “Crazy in Love”. Is she still together with Jay-Z? That’s a great match, musically. The king of hip-hop and the queen of R&B.
One thing bothers me about this song, though, and it bothers me a lot. In the chorus, Beyonce sings “I could have another you in a minute/Matter fact, he’ll be here in a minute.” It seems like a basic song-writing rule that Beyonce should change the last word in one of those lines. Rhyming “minute” with “minute” is bush league. How hard would it’ve been to make it “he’ll be here in a second?” Or she could’ve said something about “In it” or “Win it”. I don’t know, but there’s one thing I do know: that line bugs me.
On the plus side, Beyonce looks remarkably nice in hair curlers. I’m not sure if the band at the end are actually playing their instruments, but they’re much better looking than the Pussycat Dolls. Someone sign that band to a major label.
5. All-American Rejects, “It Ends Tonight”. Apparently, these guys have been so rejected by American culture that they’ve been reduced to dressing in ironic t-shirts and singing some pop-punk ballad on a piano in an industrial wasteland. Keep fighting the power, guys.
4. Fergie, “Fergielicious”. I think Fergie is vastly over-estimating her sex appeal. Here are some tips to Fergie to make her more attractive to the opposite sex:
- Don’t wear tube tops or girl scout uniforms.
- Don’t refer to your body parts as “humps”.
- Don’t sing about how attractive you are.
- Change your name to something other than Fergie.
Fergie is basically the Pussycat Dolls wrapped up into one strange, arrogant woman. Still, you’ve gotta be impressed by someone who has the gall to keep making videos after going through the most humiliating experience ever.
3. Evanescence, “Call Me When You’re Sober”. I don’t really have much to say either way about this song. This girl obviously has a great voice. Didn’t these guys get pegged as a Christian band a few years back, and they denied it or something? Overall, I’m just not interested with this track, but it seems to have a little more depth than “Fergielicious”.
2. Hinder, “Lips of Angel”. How is this on the list? This song is awful. And Hinder has to rank as one of the worst band names I’ve heard in a while, or at least since Fergie. Hinder reminds me of when Creed was on this list years ago. Sheesh.
Before they reveal the top video, VH1 recaps the top 20. I’ll go through each very briefly:
20. Nelly Furtado, “Say It Right”. I’m an unabashed fan of Nelly Furtado. She brings a lot to the pop conversation, and apparently she doesn’t use a voice modulator. “Say It Right” is solid.
19. OK Go, “Here It Goes Again”. I salute OK Go for the unique idea and for building an audience from the ground up, but I don’t think this video is all that great.
18. Red Hot Chili Peppers, “Snow (Hey Oh)”. Never been a huge Chili Peppers fan, but nice to see them going strong.
17. Snow Patrol, “Chasing Cars”. VH1 seems to be relegating the alterna-pop bands to the lower half of the countdown. “Chasing Cars” is no “Chocolate”, which was a brilliant video you can see here.
16. Goo Goo Dolls, “Let Love In”. It takes a lot to ruin a Supertramp song, but these guys did it. They’re dead to me.
15. The Killers, “When You Were Young”. More than anyone else except Nelly Furtado and Weird Al, I’m rooting for these guys to be on this top 20 countdown for decades to come.
14. Pink, “U + UR Hand”. You know how Pink is always sneering? It’s because she’s a punk. She’d probably flip you off if she got a chance.
13. U2 and Green Day, “The Saints are Coming”. Is this song about football or war or Hurricane Katrine? All three, you say? Whoazers!
12. The Fray, “How to Save a Life”. This guy can write a pop tune. I think I’d like this song more if it hadn’t become “Gray’s Anatomy’s” unofficial theme.
11. Gwen Stefani, “Wind It Up”. You know, nine of the musicians on this list were big when I was in high school. That’s encouraging.
Now for number 1. I’m on pins and needles, non-threatening Middle Eastern guy!
1. Nickleback, “Far Away”. Nickleback. Really. This is the best pop music can offer right now? A guy who looks like he’s 40, has a perm, and sings like every other post-grunge band (that’s him looking bad ass at the top of the page)? My faith in humanity is teetering again.
Of course, maybe everyone in this band is a really nice guy, and everyone’s just sort of humoring them because they picked up the beer tab last week. Maybe it’s the video itself, the tale of a forest fighter who’s killed when a burning tree falls on him. Is this a thinly-veiled promotion for the logging industry’s forest-thinning plan?
But there’s a twist! The fire-fighter wasn’t dead after all! It was an elaborate April Fool’s Day prank on his stupid, stupid wife.
I was going to write about how the video would’ve been much more apropos if the firefighter had been an Iraqi policeman or an American soldier, but I didn’t want to bring everyone down.
Anyhow, thanks for traveling with me through the fascinating state of American pop music. Honestly, this list was surprisingly good, especially compared to the state of music in 1998, the year I graduated high school. I’ll get around to writing about that eventually.