Burnside Endorses: Gelato
Burnside Endorses — By Jordan Green on June 8, 2008 at 11:44 pm
Let’s say you’re talking with a friend, and that friend just returned from a trip to Amsterdam, The Netherlands. (That sounds strange.)
You’re chatting about the trip, wondering how it went, and he begins to tell you of a meal he ate in Amsterdam. He tells you it’s the best thing he’s ever eaten. He says it’s like a hamburger, but it’s not. It’s better. It’s better than the best hamburger you’ve ever had, but it’s almost exactly like a hamburger.
First off, you might think he was high. But he’s not. He’s an upstanding guy, and would never take advantage of the legality of marijuana in Amsterdam. Second, you might be angry. “I live in America,” you think to yourself, “How could there be a better version of the hamburger somewhere else!? I’ve got a tax relief check, for pete’s sakes! My country spent 439 billion dollars on defense last year, and I’m getting inferior food product!?!?!?!”
I understand your anger. That’s how I feel about gelato.
Gelato is so vastly superior to ice cream, it’s not even chuckle-worthy. Gelato is creamier and thicker and richer. You only need to eat about half as much to feel doubly satisfied. It’s got a wondrous array of flavors from kiwi to the deceptively delicious Ferrero Rocher. Plus, it looks like this:
This one has COOKIE TOWERS!!!
AND, it has less fat. Like, 1/3 less fat!!!
!!!
I know Big Pharm is powerful, and I know Big Oil is pulling in record profits, but the covert Ice Cream Lobby is now causing me to shudder with fear at the future of our nation, a place where inferior food insidiously makes us fatter.
5 Comments
Jordan, why do you hate America?
During these difficult times when foreign currencies reign over our dollar and musical acts from overseas infiltrate the radio waves, it’s important for us to hold on to our desserts for dear life.
Frozen custard debuted at the 1933 Chicago World’s Fair, and is an all-American frozen treat and includes the delightful addition of eggs, which keeps our domestic chickens at work. Instead of dozens of options, often with funny non-English sounding names, frozen custard is a model of simplicity. Three flavors, no more, no less.
If you can’t be satisfied by our homeland desserts, may I suggest moving to Russia?
I fell victim to the tastiness of Gelato while perusing the shops in Palo Alto one hot June day. It was a stifling and the heaviness of chocolate ice cream was no match for its lighter European cousin, gelato…what with its cool name and real bananas on top of the banana flavor…it quickly jumped over Baskin Robbins and Breyers on my taste bud’s top 10 frozen treats list.
I’d still rank a good frozen custard “cement mixer” over gelato and Ben and Jerry have yet to fail me…but on those wicked hot days gelato gets my vote
Bite your tongue, “ch”! Gelato is by far the best dessert in the world. When my husband and I went to Italy, we had it every day, sometimes twice a day. Now I crave it and there is no place within 40 miles of our redneck city that makes it. Just recently we went to Charleston, SC and walked past a gelato/coffee store. It wasn’t even 10:30 in the morning, and yet we HAD to have some.
You’re right about gelato, Jordan. If every gas station gave away a pint of it with each fill up, I’d pay $5 a gallon with a smile.
There was an episode of “The Apprentice” where the teams had to compete to make a new flavour of gelato
http://www.theapprenticeblog.com/the_apprentice_2/2004/09/_episode_2_summ.html
We are currently working on rebranding a Gelato shop here in Nashville, so I have been forced to eat my weight in this stuff for almost 3 months straight.
I cried the first time I ate it. It was “caramel vaniglia,” I think. Now, I do not necessarily believe in Transubstantiation, but caramel vaniglia gelato is like eating a little piece of Jesus.