Diary of the 2009 Christian Retail Show
Essays, Featured — By Jordan Green on September 13, 2009 at 12:15 amSome time mid-June, I got this idea to go to the International Christian Retail Show. The conference was in Denver this year, and Denver didn’t seem too far away from Phoenix. I called Dan Gibson and asked if he wanted to join me, and he said “Why not?”
According to Josh McDowell, everything is your fault.
I had a few reasons for going. Partly, there was business to conduct. We’ve got a book idea we’ve been pitching around, and it wouldn’t hurt to show prospective advertisers mockups of Burnside’s new site.
Primarily, though, I wanted to see it. There are rumors this year’s show is one of the last, and Christian retail is slipping into a coma. Thomas Nelson, the top Christian publisher, didn’t even attend. If you could go back and watch the death rasps of the dinosaurs, you’d do it, right?
It’s more than that. Lately, though, I’ve had the creeping fear I don’t really love my brothers and sisters in Christ. It’s ridiculous, I know, but it’s difficult for me to forgive bad taste, and Christian culture is the Michael Jordan of bad taste.
Consider the two most prominent Christian celebrities of the last year: Sarah Palin and Kate Gosselin. I’m not trying to pile on those two, but the adoration they enjoy within Christian circles is head-scratching. How could you watch an episode of Jon and Kate Plus 8 and think, “Now that’s how two parents should act.” How could you recall Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston paraded before the cameras during the election cycle, see what a slimeball Johnston is now on the talk show circuit, and think, “What a great mother! Let’s make Bristol the spokeswoman for abstinence!” Granted, it’s nice to see Christians forgiving the flaws of the people they admire. The problem is, I get the feeling it’s more about ignoring those flaws than grace.
There will always be a market for Precious Moments and Thomas Kinkade, so I needed to see the people behind the tacky art. If I talked to them face to face, I’d be fine. I don’t need every Christian to understand Radiohead and spout connections between The Sopranos and the Gospel, but I do need to know there are faces behind Conservative Christian stereotypes.
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SATURDAY, JULY 11TH
0530 – After Mindy leaves for work at 5, Dan and I pack up and hit the road. At an estimated 14 hours, this will be the second longest single day of driving I’ve ever undertaken. The first was when I worked as a courier, made trips to Eugene and Salem from Portland, then traveled to Boise after my shift was over. I was much younger then.
0600 – Breakfast at Whataburger on the way to I-17. If you ever drive need to travel north or south through Phoenix, I do not recommend I-17. It is a disgusting bit of freeway. I also do not recommend Whataburger, which is not sitting well. Fast food hamburgers at 6am rarely do.
If you want to listen to music on a road trip, Dan Gibson is the perfect guy to travel with. There were at least four songs or albums I bought after we got back. After my days as a courier, though, I definitely prefer audiobooks, podcasts, or radio shows. Dan was kind enough to load his iPod with episodes of This American Life and Wiretap.
0836 – In Winslow, Arizona, there is a statute of a man standing on a corner, with a pseudo-reflection in a nearby window of a girl in a flatbed Ford slowing down to take a look at him. The monument is the first recipient of many, many, many tongue lashings Dan will dole out over the course of this trip. We do not stop.
The only reason to go to Winslow, Arizona, is not enough.
1129 (Hour lost crossing state line) – We stop in Gallup, New Mexico, for sandwiches at Safeway.
“Why would anyone want to live here?” I ask Dan.
“I think for some it’s like, ‘well at least I’m off the res’,” he replies.
1330 – We fill up in Santa Fe.
Here’s a confession: from 2001 to last winter, I was a smoker. Not a pipe-when-I’m-out-at-the-bars-discussing-theology smoker. Cigarettes. I probably averaged about 6 a day over that entire span. I blame the Army. I used Chantix, a prescription smoking cessation drug, to quit, and it was surprisingly easy. I heartily recommend Chantix. I occasionally have a cigarette now and again for certain occasions, but the addiction is gone.
Like every good Portland hipster, I smoked American Spirits (with the exception of my deployment to Bosnia, where I enjoyed $.50 packs of “Ronhill Lights”). I bring all this up to say I bought a pack in Santa Fe, because I felt it was the right thing to do.
1642 – We’ve crossed into Colorado, and we fly through a lovely town called Trinidad. It’s the most impressive burg we’ve seen all day (Flagstaff and Santa Fe are great towns, but the freeway skirts both). Dan looks up Trinidad, and we learn it is the “Sex Change Capital of the World“. Not just the US, mind you…the world.
1829 – We stop in Colorado Springs for dinner at the Phantom Canyon Brewing Company. I am not overly impressed with the beer, but the food is okay.
I’m surprised at how lovely Colorado Springs is. I was picturing a vast suburban sprawl pocked with Chili’s and Applebees where the wait staffs’ currency consisted of Chick tracts used as tips. The downtown is moderately hip, and there are some nice homes up against the mountains.
“I can see why God chose this as his new Jerusalem,” I tell Dan.
I will repeat this joke a number of times over the next few days, and people will laugh politely and tell me Colorado Springs really is a soulless big box sprawl, and I only saw the very best it had to offer. At least there’s hiking.
2006 – We lament not being able to visit the Focus on the Family headquarters. It is getting late and we have been driving a long time. Besides, it is probably closed this late.
21 Comments
To answer Jordan’s somewhat rhetorical question, I would still rather be transported somewhere randomly in the desert, mostly because there were would be fewer gullible people and I’d still have my $3 admission charge.
I’m sure you’d want to be close enough to shout insults, though.
O.K., I love Burnside and all, but to Judge my town, Colorado Springs, by one drive through and a beer is pretty short. You have to understand the nuances of this place.
Come spend some time, we will show you around.
I’d like to spend more time there some day. To my credit, I liked the town…it was people who’ve spent time there who ripped on it.
Wait, McDowell thinks Christianity will be extinct in 20 years? Really? Does this mean everyone who is a Christian now will be dead in 20 years, or that we will all have converted to some other religion? Does McDowell expect to be alive in 20 years? I’m so confused.
Well, I was paraphrasing.
But yeah, all young Christians will have converted to another religion.
One other McDowell related question: Did you ever get to see how he asked the question regarding absolute truth? Inquiring minds want to know!
No, but I agree that’s an important aspect. I suppose I could be a good journalist and try and get the questionnaire, eh?
Jordan, you can’t paraphrase when it comes to extinction, that’s what got the dinosaurs in trouble.
I lived in Colorado Springs for awhile in my teens and have visited there several times and honestly it’s a beautiful place. The Christian sub-culture is big there, but there is also a lot of really nice non-Christian sub-culture people, the city is really clean, the hiking is amazing and the weather is awesome. On a downside, I never did find good Mexican food there, which is strange bc it’s so close to the Southwest. And a town w/o good Mexican food. Now that’s kind of a tragedy.
Mexican Food- Colorado Springs- Arceo’s on Nevada, although to be fair, it’s a chain from Washingotn State.
You guys should spend the next year traveling to Christian events and write a book.
I’ll put this out there right now…I will travel nearly anywhere if someone will pay me to do so, Christian events included.
I’m totally with Dan. I’m a solid roadtrip driver, great sense of direction, able to operate safely with very little sleep, gracious with the radio, comfortable in silence, able to hold my own in a lively discussion, let’s do this…now, who’s paying?
Zondervan?
Wait, did you just use ME as the the early-30s Christian male-look cliche standard? I…I don’t know what to think…except that this might be the first time a dude has commented on my looks.
However, I’m totally going to flaunt this in Rob Bell’s face. People are going to be telling him that if his hair was a little more red, and he added some facial hair, he could look just like Andy Meisenheimer.
Well, in my defense, I’m talking about how both of us have the same look…a look shared by Rick McKinley, Chris Seay, and about a million other goateed folks.
The full beard is the new move, Andy, so you and I can be proud we stuck with our roots.
Actually, I switch looks every month or so. I just took off the full beard. I am no longer cool.
On another note, I’m glad they don’t have a Dave and Busters here in Tucson. I’d probably be there playing that trivia game right now.
I went to the show in Denver for one day to do a book signing there for some picture books I illustrated. It was a good time, but I have to agree with you about the “minority row”…it wasn’t cool to see separation like that.
..and I have to say I laughed out loud several times while reading this article
I agreed and disagreed with various points you make here, but you definitely made them with some great humor!