This is absolutely beautiful. Thank you for writing, and especially for this:

“God did not lift me up to the highest; He descended to me in the lowest.”

Thank you for reminding me that I feel the same way.

I love this spontaneous worship song by Jason Upton during difficult times:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-v91MIT4GEg

I love the writings of Joyce Landorf Heatherly. She can usually bring me to tears. One day I wrote her about how much her books that I have read have touched me. I didn’t expect a response but I got an email back that she was grateful and touched by my email and wanted to send me a few autographed books free of charge that I can give to others whom I thought would benefit from them. She did and in it she put an extra one for me that I hadn’t read (haven’t read them all). When I opened it and read what she wrote in the front page for me I knew there was something in there for me. Long story but she wrote something about socks and I recently had a dream that I went to a doc and my socks were significant in the dream. So I read and the beginning was some good info but nothing that really hit me of yet. I kept on going because I know this writer and with that inscription knew somewhere there would be a treasure in there for me. When I got to the “Wounded Healer” chapter I wept, and wept, and wept. The make believe example that she gave in there regarding a first class wounded healer was what happened in my dream. I didn’t tell her about that, but God knew. And the chapter was so profound and ministered to me greatly.

Anyway, here is an excerpt from that chapter:
“When we are in terrible pain and cry out to others, some people, even some professionals (counselors, pastors, doctors) are not yet wounded healers. They may be someday, but as of now they haven’t walked through their own valley of suffering or loss, and God has not yet called them to the wounding place. So they listen to us as we describe the pain, but their first words sometimes are brittle, “learned behavior” responses. They utter words which sometimes come from ignorance of pain or a denial of their pain or out of someone else’s training or teaching. But, definitely, their response is not out of their own valley of suffering. Their words do not touch us with comfort and healing. It’s as if we are listening to an executive giving a medical lecture in an office conference room rather than watching a doctor binding up wounds in a hospital.

The effective, called-of-god wounded healers speak to the hurting with real words, because they are very sensitive and well acquainted with their own pain…”

It has also helped me to remember a worker in a ministry doesn’t necessarily reflect the heart of the minister and their vision.

Anyway, in terrible pain when it appears that others cannot hear me (even been accused of self-pity and just ignorant things said at times), it does something to you and God can use it to help stretch your understanding and compassion for others. Often times what others call pride I see as anger for not being heard. What others have seen as manipulation I have seen as fear of hearing “no” once again. What others have seen as self-pity I have seen as a need to voice pain. Sure it can be those other things and even if not, we can still run with it the wrong way which can bring problems all around. Just saying, I don’t necessarily hear like others do. And I still miss it too.

God bless you sis. When I am in darkness (unawares of what is going on in my present circumstances) I know my light is Jesus so I keep my eyes on Him through all the difficulty and pain and eventually, eventually, my circumstances will also be revealed in his Light.

Thanks for sharing. I love to hear others sing. I rather hear someone sing that doesn’t have all the lyrics right than hear technically right lyrics but the song is not genuine and from the heart. As I like to say at times, “I didn’t say it would be pretty.” Yet that song from the heart is beautiful to me.

Keeping singing for Jesus. I am certain He loves to hear you sing.

Love in Him,
Jo

Blessings to you and your family as you walk this difficult road.

I’m in the midst of an uncle suddenly dying 4 days ago, my brother-in-law is not responding to his chemo for mutiple myeloma and is in excruciating pain, my cat is also terminal, and I was wrongly dismissed from my job 2 months ago and can’t do a damned thing about it. I don’t know the personal purgatory that you were in as I’ve never had cancer. But this piece was very helpful to one sad little puppy. Thanks, and Merry Christmas.