Beloved, “The Bachelor” Is Below You
Arts, Television — By Russ Masterson on January 19, 2010 at 12:00 pm
Yes, last night I watched the television show The Bachelor. A friend of my brother-in-law is one of the girls on the show, so we tuned in to see the mess.
Last week I watched the first three episodes from season one of Mad Men, the hit show on A&E about the advertising world in the 1950s. The show’s extreme degradation of women – of their intellects, individuality, and dignity – drove me nuts. I sat on my couch proud of our culture for moving past this antiquated and belittling treatment of women, solely viewing them as objects to look at and reign over. Then, I watched The Bachelor, twenty-five women willingly entering a show to win one man, while he gets to know each of them by talking and looking, rating, judging, and kissing.
Surprisingly, a few of the girls (including my brother-in-law’s friend) seem normal, girls with decent character, to which I can’t figure out why they would want to be on the show. Why would they think it would be fun to be a part of the disgrace? Why would they want to be paraded before a guy (and also a country) who supposedly has wholesome priorities, yet makes out and fondles a different girl each night. Some character. Oh right, that’s the man of integrity whom you can rely on when you gain thirty pounds at age 40 because your thyroid goes insane. And meanwhile a pretty young assistant just started a new project with your husband at his work. Plan on him staying late at the office a bit more.
Then there are the other girls – broken, lost, and disillusioned about life and love. It’s these girls I want to gather into one room like a loving father and tell them:
#1: You’re beautiful and your boobs have nothing to do with it. You don’t have to keep showing them to everyone. Everyone knows they are there, and someone will love you without having seen them. And he will love you when you are sixty and they are disasters nobody wants to see.
#2: That guy can’t fulfill you. He’s just a flawed guy. You were never meant to be fulfilled by a man. Only the Creator of your being can fulfill you as a lady.
“Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” (John 4:13-14)
#3: Don’t give yourself away so easily. You aren’t cheap. You are worthy and valued, so be that lady. If he can’t wait for you – and your top and pants to come off – then he’s not worthy of you.
#4: Feelings are tricky. You should know that by now. Try to look at life and decisions based on truth and facts.
#5: Put your hope in something that will last longer than a silly television show and is more stable than a guy who makes out with a different girl each night.
“For great is your love, higher than the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies.” (Psalm 108:4)
#6: You don’t have to impress God. He chooses you without consideration of any performance. [Feel free to let out a great sigh of relief.]
“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast.” (Ephesians 2:8-9)
13 Comments
What about Trista and Ryan?
Sorry.
I actually like the Bachelor this season. The guy is not as you describe above. He’s decent and considerate, and caring. He’s the most upstanding Bachelor I’ve seen yet. In fact I even wrote a blog about the guy after last nights Episode.
http://timothykurek.wordpress.com/2010/01/19/concerning-jake-aka-the-bachelor/
Now I will say this, I like him up until now. He hasn’t done anything yet to sully his reputation or offend the women. HOWEVER, I haven’t seen the entire season.
What you say about most of the women is true. But Jake is a good dude.
If he is a good dude he is a good dude going along with a horrible show…in it’s premise and practicalities.
OK, so I don’t entirely back the show or even the few normal folks who are on it. Having said that, I do work with Jake and have talked with him about the topic.
I honestly think he’s there with right intentions…to find a wife and to love her well…albeit with questionable methods at times (hot tubs and multiple make out sessions each night).
But the show takes what happens in dating circles every day, unfortunately often among Christians as well, puts it on screen and compresses it into a few short weeks. Yes they pick the most beautiful, flamboyant and crazy candidates, but don’t we all walk this mine field to some degree?…balancing emotion and conviction
I don’t envy his position as he endures the common pressure to find Mr/Miss right…under the spotlight.
#1. golden.
Its disheartening as an ordinary kid with an ordinary life to see the young women who I talk with who long for the perfect guy to come along and sweep them off their feet. I wonder if there is a girl out there who is waiting for a very imperfect guy like me to come along and sweep her off her feet. Many of these girls I talk to are far more beautiful than they think. I’ve been praying that God put theses insecurities to rest. Christ is the only one who makes me whole.
I think the problem is that we are all waiting for someone to “sweep us off our feet” and make our life complete/better/whole when in reality, no person is ever going to be able to do that. You have to be whole, with Christ, and then you won’t hold up your significant other up to some unreachable, unattainable standard of perfection that they can never reach. It’s only when you stop looking to other people for your happiness, that you are free to love them (Read Susan Isaacs book, “Angry Conversations with God”, she’s got some good stuff on this.)
Emily, what you say is true, and is addressed in Chapter 5 of Wild at Heart, which many here mistakenly think is a sexist work. Eldredge essentially says what you say here in your comment.
Russ, couldn’t agree with you more. I am admittably single and have no experience to back up any advice I might give on the dating to marriage scene. But this I know, any woman willing to degrade herself to the point of sharing a man, physically and emotionally, and purposefully competing over him is not a woman of character and integrity. I honestly think fewer good guys exist because of so many woman willing let a man act so barbarically. Why wait for a woman saving herself, demanding honesty and requiring a man of TRUE faith, if there are so many women that don’t. Women these days don’t require much, some don’t even expect monogomy. If you can’t beat em, join em right? WRONG.
Perhaps Jake is a “nice guy”, I don’t know him but I think he is misguided. I can’t imagine this is what God wants us to do to find a mate.
I am worth MORE than an opportunity to compete for a guy willing to become physically involved in multiple women at a time to “find the love of his life.” Really? You want the love of your life to be willing to casually jump in a hot tub with what amounts to a stranger and makeout or worse? For the entertainment of millions? Is this what men want? really? Then I guess I’m destined to remain single.
I beleive the bachelor is comparable to King Xerxes and his methods for finding his next queen. Dress ‘em up like barbie and take ‘em for a test drive. Classy.
LOL. Russ, I can appreciate thus far what I have read of your articles. I like to look at human behavior too and then reach for that higher ground in Jesus. Thus, I think you close well. This also could have come across negatively but to me you came across as a concerned fatherly figure so when I thought I may go “Geesh” I found myself saying “Awe”.
I’ll be honest, in my younger years I had an awful opinion of women there. I looked down on them as marriage was not my priority, or even desired it. Then when I hit my late twenties I thought to myself, ‘Whoa, I could actually unmarried for the rest of my life, is this what I really want?’ Thus began several years of desiring and being more open regarding a mate. Can I say at times it was terribly painful and eventually I prayed to God that I didn’t want to be like this anymore and things changed. As with anything else these things can still creep up but I know the key is seeking ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things will be added unto you. Anyway, now when a woman tells me about her deep desire for a mate and sense her sorrow there, instead of looking down on her I feel I can, at least to some degree, relate and be more compassionate. But yes ladies, sorry, I did look down on my gender there for a time being. Looking down is different than addressing issues.
Anyway, I’ve seen the show but don’t really watch anything in particular unless it catches my eye at the time. Seeing I was paying 60.00 a month for cable and only watched tv about twice a month, besides “Dancing with the Stars” (my fave) when it’s airing, I cancelled it. I got to get me one of those digital boxes but not a priority now. I can still rent movies.
Have you all forgotten there is a Bachelorette show too. I just saw a few episodes but in my experiences I can come up with my own list there.
1. You don’t have to go flashing your money around and always speaking about all the material things you have. Even as we women enjoy security (in case that is your reason for doing it) not all of us our material girls. If a girl loves you she will love you for richer or poorer.
2. A woman is a partner in your life and a helpmate, not the Source of your fulfillment at the deepest level. Jesus is the Source of LIfe and fulfillment. Got Jesus?
3. Please, please, don’t take your shirt off and start flexing your muscles in front of me. I don’t care how nice your body is, it’s embarassing. Women are not wired like men even if we are not dead in that department. I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt that the coffee spilled on your shirt was an accident but if it happens again…
4. Don’t be led by your hormones as they can get you into trouble. Stop being led by what is in your pants.
5. Look for something more meaningful than the world’s rendition of male / female love. Find it in your shared life in Jesus and deep values in his life that go beyond the surface stuff we tend to think is so important.
6. Ditto, ditto, ditto with Russ there. And you don’t have to impress others either. Share your life from the beauty within the life of God and it will impress those with eyes and ears rooted in Christ too.
How’d I do Russ? Did I come across as motherly?
Thanks bro.
Oh, almost forgot. I think one of my favorite songs is fitting here. Gonna let Toby tell his story as it is wonderful.
This song is awesome.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQwOdPRnHvM&feature=related
Gotta go so ta ta for now. This was fun.
Love in Him,
Jo
Prime example.
So an ex-coworker and friend calls me the other night at work. She told me about this Monday night bible study group and I said I would like to go as we and another been planning to get together but thus far unsuccessful.
Anyway, make a long story……..longer (fooled you), we missed it but went out to eat instead, made another stop, then returned to my job where we met. So some Romeo comes up to me and says, “You work nights here don’t you?” Me, “Yea but I’m off tonight.” Then he comes back later and I asked him something. Now whaaatttt was that for. I got a lovely invitation to go to his room with him and my boops weren’t even showing. Then he starts checking out my fingers and touching my rings and I am hoping he doesn’t notice the ring I use as a marriage ring is really some cheap 10.00 ring I bought at a Christian bookstore (I have the best bridegroom ever thank you). Anyway, so as my brother taught me, “Jo, with some men you can’t be nice and smile when you say stuff because they don’t get it. Just say, “NO!” I also worked in a male dominated field for a long time so mind you I got me some interesting insights regarding male / female relationships from a male perspective (though some have probably scarred me for life). Well, didn’t do the in your face “NO!” thing but got up and left because he wouldn’t leave me alone.
I think next time I will try, “Got Jesus? And you don’t even have to buy the cow to try the milk because Jesus already paid for it. It’s all free.” That should be interesting.
You think he just wanted to get in my pants?
Scenario two:
So I been pretty broke this month, thank God for parents but I don’t like to bother them unless I really, really have to. Anyway, I go to the grocery store, grab some stuff, and get on line. While there I notice this chicken sitting towards the back and asked the guy in front of me, “Is this your chicken? He’s like, “Yea, that’s my dinner. Thannnkkk you.” Then I remembered, ‘Crap, forgot to buy water and my diet pepsi.’ It was like a 1.00 for water. I kid you not. Now that is a crime and an outrage. I mean for real, you all better give to Haiti relief because they need lots of water and it ain’t cheap. I may start picketting but then they may have me banned and I really love their deli (darn that self-interest curve ball). Their chicken is the best too so I know that guy was happy.
And I was right. I return to the line and he tells the lady to include my groceries on his bill. I was like, “Are you suuuurrrre?” He’s replies, “Yea, I already spent so much on groceries (it was like 200.00). I had like 8 items but was thinking later, ‘Crap, if I would have known I would have gotten more.’
Well, I have learned not to turn down those blessing when they come. I used to be like, ‘Ohhhhh no, thank you but it’s ok.’ I mean I’ve been such an independent gal and several years back another keen bro gave me a book by John Gray called “Mars and Venus on a Date”. It said guys like to do stuff like that for women, making them feel all manly and stuff. Need I say more…but you know I will. I did my part in contributing to the guy’s manhood and let him buy my groceries. A win, win situation. We were both happy.
But now I begin to think, “Oh man, I hope he doesn’t start hitting on me now.” I’m thinking this may be a thing to lure naive women into taking off their pants. Now I got my armor up while the wheels in my head are spinning wondering if I should use the just say “No!” and also wondering how fast I can make it to my vehicle.
But he didn’t. So guess what? Listen up men and don’t do this as a phoney, lure women thing because that’s dishonest. Anyway, so now I am the one going, “Who was that guy?” He bought my groceries with no strings attached. Who was that guy?
Seems he was just a nice guy that wanted to do a good deed with no strings attached. That’s nice because I got one more brotherly advice along this line. I should write a book with the advice I’ve been given. They have some good ones. Anyway, one time I was dating this guy and on the second date he bought me a Movado watch. It was my Christmas gift (I had gotten him a dvd). But I don’t know about these things and I was happy as I was without a watch at the time but I guess he realized I didn’t know how expensive those things are so he made a comment that led me to believe it was expensive. Now I am curious and the next time I am in a mall I check out Movados and I almost puked when I saw the price. Later I told one of my very keen brothers about the watch and the price asking, “Do you think he wants to get in my pants? I think so. I should give the watch back. I almost puked, it’s expensive.” So bro says, “Absolutely not. You teach that man a lesson and keep the watch. That’ll teach him to think he can just buy you like that.” So that is what I did. Still have it. Nearly 10 years later I still have it and it works great.
That’s it. No worries. No worries! Think that is my last entry here. Slow at work and thought I would stop in.
Love in Him,
Jo
Tonight was prime example number 4:
First time I ever heard this line and I ain’t no kid, “You married? I’m looking for a beneficiary?”
It was so corny I had to laugh.
Listen gramps, do us all a favor, go to your room and sleep it off. Sleep it off!
I forgot my, “Got Jesus?” line. Rats!
Ok Russ, I fully expect to see a Bachelorette followup article so we gals can have our due. And don’t expect it to be pretty.
Over and out.
Jo