Different Eyes
Social Justice — By Kate Hinson on August 9, 2010 at 6:55 amWhen I was younger, I only wanted one thing. To be a wife and a mother. I wanted children, four to be exact. It was difficult to pick a major in college because strangely enough, they didn’t offer a family and marriage major. They must have been behind the times, or maybe I was.
Every year as my birthday rolls around, I feel a little part of that dream die. Because here I am at age 34, no husband or children in sight.
Last night, I went to a concert. It was fabulous. I love these particular artists and music in general, so my expectations were high. But I wasn’t
prepared for how their words would hit home in a new way. As Jason, one of the artists, started in on a World Vision speech about
sponsoring children, I listened politely without really hearing him. You see, I already sponsor 2 little boys – Sasi from Kenya through Compassion International and Valentin from Romania through Holt International.
I’ve done my part. I help support these two boys. Did I really need to add another? Then a little voice in my head asked, “But don’t you want 4 children?” Well, I do. But that isn’t what I had in mind. I want real children.
As I argued away in my head, Jason pulled out the verse that just shattered me. “Whatever you did for the least of these…you did for me.” Matthew 25:40
It brought to mind another internal struggle a few weeks prior about whether I should help someone who truly was the least of these. I am sad to say that I won the argument with myself that night and drove away without doing anything. With the picture of that hungry woman with the straggly blonde hair spilling out of her light blue coat frozen in front of my eyes, I knew that this time had to be different. This time, I had to act.
I am proud to say that as of last night, I have 3 children. For three year old Vanesa from Peru has been added to my family. Not the “real” children that I originally wanted. But she is real, all right. I will probably never see her, hold her, or rock her to sleep. But as her sponsor, I know that I am helping provide a better life for her. And isn’t that what parents do?
Somewhere out there, I know there is a fourth child waiting for me. Sometimes all it takes is looking at things with different eyes.
By day, Kate is the Controller/Special Projects Manager at a sweet potato company in North Carolina. By night, she gets a little more creative with baking, blogging and photography.
7 Comments
absolutely brilliant. i, too, am learning that the death of a dream isn’t the end of life, and your words are helping cement that into my soul. thank you for sharing this.
Blessings upon you for your generous mothering of three. Dreams are sticky wickets. They may come true in very different ways than we typically envision.
This reminded me of a wonderful movie with Helen Hunt and Bett Midler, “Then She Found Me.” You may want to watch it.
In the movie Helen is trying hard to have a child with no success. She then goes for artificial insemination (spelling?). There is a touching scene when Bett confronts her in the hospital before she undergoes the insemination. See, Helen prays about nearly everything and Bett wonders why she isn’t praying about such an important thing in her life that she wants so bad.
Helen responds emphatically, “Helen says, “Because I am not going to hand this wish over to some…whatever it is who is suppose to be loving who, who…” Then she starts to cry and her voice gets low as if not wanting to voice her heart too loudly. Guess that is because we feel we shouldn’t be feeling like this towards God as if we of ourselves could change that. Maybe we feel if we hide it in the dark and don’t look it square in the face, it will go away.
And she completes her words in a whisper, “…I had faith in. I thought God was good.” Then Bette says, “Maybe God is…” And Helen asks, “What?” with expectancy almost as if saying give me an answer to this madness. Bette, “Difficult” pause “awful” pause “complicated” .
With what appears to be some beam of enlightenment Helen says, “Like me…I took the one man on Earth whose right for me and I dropped him on his head.”
—–
Anyway, without getting into a theological discussion on Bett’s and Helen’s answer, overall it spoke to me of understanding God is a relational God and we won’t understand his ways unless we are united to Him where we will come to KNOW HIM and his Heart on matters. Seems this was her enlightenment.
You may want to check out the movie. That scene made me cry because I could relate to an extent, even if not in the finer details. And think you will like the ending. Pardon the length, thought you’d like. Thanks for the nice piece. Love those that help us see God more relationally. I love it! \o/
Thanks for the tip. I actually saw the movie a while back and could relate to it as well.
This was a hard lesson for me to learn, but letting go of what I thought should happen has freed me up to do so many things I never imagined.
jesussss yummmyyy haha
Thanks for this. I have blogged about these feelings several times too. Although I am a bit younger, I just feel totally out of control about what happens in my life. I even want to be a foster parent but it seems like I have to wait for that too. I think I am coming to a point in my life where I am just trying to be thankful for today and open for what happens tomorrow. I mentor children in my community and that is just incredibly fun and rewarding. Sometimes you can be a great role model and friends to kids whose parents don’t even come close.
I was thinking about how in the church, there is not much celebration of a single lifestyle or support for women who are single (never married, no children). It should be addressed so we can support and mentor each other in godliness.
Thanks for sharing!