Personal History: How I Prayed to Lose My Job

Our Principal, Ron Gorman, called an emergency meeting one day in March. I didn’t think anything of it, really. The last time a Principal called an emergency meeting it was Kurt Johnson telling us that he would no longer be our Principal. Secretly, we were all cheering and many went out for drinks later to celebrate. Meanwhile, he was clueless and offering his condolences to us, as though he would be missed. So I was intrigued by this new emergency meeting and merely wondering if Ron was leaving as well.

Ron assembled us and tried to break the news to us slowly but it seemed as though he really didn’t have a lot of information either. Grand Rapids Public Schools was going to adopt a new model of instruction for the upcoming school year. Due to budget cuts paired with poor performance on state tests, the Superintendent felt that it was high time for some drastic changes.

Under the initial plans all students would take their four core classes (Math, Science, English, Social Studies) during the first four hours of the day. Then, during 5th & 6th hour they would be bussed to a Hub School (one of the other high schools) of their choice in order to take their electives. Additionally, each of the four core classes would be offered in 3 different ways. 1) with a full-time classroom teacher or 2) partly with a teacher and partly with a computer or 3) entirely online. Option #1 was a first come first served basis and students would be steered away from that option. The remaining two options are called, “Blended Instruction”.

I realized that I had either lost my job or was reduced to part-time. Spanish is an elective class and electives were to be offered only two hours a day. Interesting.

As the weeks passed more meetings were held both at the district level, in our buildings, over beer, and many in secret. The logistics of this new plan simply did not make sense. We questioned research and pushed for data. We worried about special needs kids, bussing, programing, sports, art & music, etc. At that time we weren’t worried about our jobs, despite what the media said. Teachers were concerned about their students. We always are.

I resigned myself to losing my job as I saw no way around it. I began to make alternate plans for my life. What else am I gifted in? What have I always wanted to do but have been too scared to try? Is this my chance to pursue writing?

To say that I began to pray without ceasing is an understatement. My future was constantly in my thoughts, but I was not worried. I had (and still have) such an intense feeling of peace. God and I had a lot of serious conversations. I asked a lot of questions and he provided a fair number of answers. We were in this together, He and I, and I re-learned that I follow a God who loves to be in the details.

I let it go. I let go of my job and my future. And I waited.

One afternoon during the first week of May, Mr. Gorman called me into his office and said, “Diane, your job for next year is safe. You’ll be our full-time Spanish teacher. I was able to save your job!” My heart sank. I volleyed a question, “How? How is that possible?” (and in my mind I thought, “Say it isn’t so!”). He said that while “taking two years of a foreign language is not a requirement for graduation and therefore not a core class, it will be in a few years, and colleges require it. Therefore we need to keep our foreign language program!”

In a short two months I journeyed from praying to keep my job to praying to lose my job. What a crazy trip. It wasn’t until he assured me of my job security that I realized I didn’t want it. I attribute that feeling of unrest not to my own inner workings, but to the Holy Spirit telling me to look deep inside and to follow a new path. Pay attention, Diane!

A week later Gorman called to say that while Creston really does need a full-time Spanish teacher it wasn’t going to be me. The English department had to shrink and one of their teachers was sliding into my job and I slid out. I was elated.

I did the “right” thing next. I waited for job openings in my district and applied for four jobs. I got a job teaching Social Studies while using the Blended Model at Union High School. I would be the computer monitor who supported another teacher. Then some crazy stuff happened and I started emailing HR about a grievance and I started fighting to get the same job only at Creston. I thought the right thing to do was to fight for my job even though it left me feeling at odds with God. I know, I know, it sounds crazy to me too. Why would God want me to lose my job? He is the God who provides! It makes no sense to me either but I am just telling you the story of how it happened.

Then on Friday, July 9, I got a letter that I was laid off. YEAH! God is in the details! I was thrilled that it was over and done. There was no going back now. God made it clear in so many ways, in so many details, that he was laying new ground for me and asking me, “How big do you think I am, Diane?”

“How big do you think I am? How much do you trust me? Do you think I can provide for all of your needs?”

This all leads me to today. After I got laid off I started to apply for waitressing jobs and I ordered three books on writing. I have been reading, and doing my homework, and bothering restaurant managers. I started writing yesterday, nothing big, mind you, but I took that first step forward.

I cannot begin to convey the peace that I have about this new journey. I am going to pursue writing and look for work to pay the bills. I feel that this is a gift that God has given me and He really wants me to use it. Now. When I think about all of the details over not just the last four months but also over the last several years I can easily see how it all led to this.

And I’m learning to trust in a really big God.