Being Set Up & Let Down

He blew clouds of smoke in my face.

And I mean that literally. Like not in a cool mysterious and aloof way that had me under a trance that drove me closer to his presence because I wanted to be the Sandy to his Danny, but like in a way where I would be leaving this blind date not only smelly but let down by the infamous four words, “I know a guy.”

I knew he wasn’t the man I was going to marry let alone go on a second date with (newsflash boys we GO there) after the appetizers and right before the main course. Not because of the smoke that crowded my face and invaded my lungs, but because he didn’t love Jesus. OH and perhaps because his jeans dragged on the floor…

I’m seldom on the same page as these faux romantic endeavors I encounter and this upsets my heart.

When people tell me they know a guy, I tell them “Great! So are you and I going to get fro yo or what?” (Because fro yo knows me and 11 times out of 10  I will always want seconds–which is the romantic equivalent to a second date). But I don’t blame my friends for trying or what seems at times like assuming they know what’s best for me. But those words: “I know a guy” though makes my inside initially butterfly bounce, quickly and faithfully settles tragically like dust on a vacant and worn-out bookshelf. And so it seems and feels a lot like people may know a guy, but they might not really know me.

You can tell a lot by what people think of you when they match you up with someone they know. Sometimes it’s almost promising but most of the times it seems careless. Like being set up with a guy who heads the local vegan restaurant (when you love steak) or with the guy who is timid to traveling (when your passport is thrashed and abused with stamps). When I am set up and let down, I return to Love Himself to really seek what it is I’m seeking. Because when I think about who knows me, it’s He who made me.

I often think many people don’t know the weight of the desire to meet someone, especially when they are already with their someone. I don’t put true and harsh backlash on any of these said people who just want their friends to be happy—who just want me to be happy, but I do want to magnify the emotion that is likely to unearth when singleness is approached like it’s unyielding, because it ‘s fragile. Precious and important too, but it’s fragile. So sometimes my singleness seems likes it should be only in the hands of my Maker, who has declared me already as His beloved.

But when I arrived at the darkly lit restaurant to meet my friend, her boyfriend and her boyfriend’s friend who the former two assumed was “the perfect man for me” it was safe to say, I was a bit nervous and excited and obviously could not afford any time to waste. And when I’m this kind of excited turned impatient, it’s hard to put it in the hands of my Maker.

I’d seen a photo of this boy prior to the date where he was made up of two beautiful green eyes and a taller than average stature. Two physical features plus the one inside trait of being extremely funny was what reeled me. It was that or the fact I didn’t want to die alone. We’ll never know…. actually we do, and it was that it was happy hour on tapas and margaritas. And those greens I guess. As I calmly tried to fix my bangs after an awkward hug, we were strangely seated beside one another which to me obviously should be only reserved for married couples over 60, newly engaged people and brothers and sisters when out to dinner with their parents. We were none of the above; just a guy and a girl set up by a couple who were obsessed with one another and wanted the same for their friends.

Yet even when the Lord constantly reminds me that love is patient and does not boast, (and it’s definitely not obsessive, right?) I still often embody and communicate: “find me someone so I can have love and show that I have love. And if he’s six foot three, all the better.” So these situations are not entirely one sided…

Long story short-ish this boy was not the type I wanted to sit beside again anytime in the near future. We were so different. Safe to say, our mutual and unspoken agreement in just enjoying this one night was enough for the both of us. Yet walking away from something that feels like a defeat kind of bums a girl out.

Some impressions will stay and some will fade. His definitely rooted in me this cautiousness when it comes to telling my friends “girl, hook it up” because in truth, I say it often (maybe not in that specific linguistic manner) but what I really need to be saying is, “Lord, help me to trust in your plan and in what you’ve set up for me.” Parts of me blames myself because I just want to see what people think of me or prove myself worthy of being liked—loved even and essentially boasted about. And the kind of hope that’s poured into being set up by others certainly misplaces a perfect hope I already have and continually will attain concerning the matters of the heart. I believe that type of wrong hope happens so easily because I cannot text God, and tell Him His friend at the coffee shop was cute. So patience becomes a factor in where I rest my heart.

And so I strive to live by a hope that declares a patience and peace laced with God’s ultimate provision for me. Where I place my heart not into the hand of eagerness, but the Hand of everlasting.

Be Sociable, Share!

•